This blog has not been personal for me for quite a while now… it’s basically turned into a shrine to psychopaths and cupcakes.  Perfect.

But there have been times, usually when I am really down, when I want to write… I need to journal and I want to share my thoughts.  Last night I was driving home from my Mom’s house… a 3 hour drive to San Diego… and I did a lot of thinking.  And I wish I had pulled over to write it down, or made a voice memo.  I felt such a sense of clarity about my life.  And it felt so good.  I felt so happy and grateful.  I know I won’t remember all of it now, it’s been almost 24 hours since that car ride.  But I am going to try.  Here I go. 

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This is the first time I have changed my icon in years… Now it’s Harry Styles with the wind blowing his scarf in his face.  And in this moment I am happy.

maryannisawkward:

Which actually reminds me…countdown to 1D at the Rose Bowl: 161 days!! Yee!!! courtslosinit get excited!!

I’m so fucking excited.  I might punch someone in the face.

# 1D# life# me
grbggrl:

maryannisawkward:

The last episode is literally going to be part of my every day conversation for the rest of my life.

That needs to become a thing in fandom.Every time someone freaks out over a spoiler the response should be “Calm down Psycho”

I’m basically going to say it to everyone about everything.  Also, look at my cute donut.  NomNomNom.

grbggrl:

maryannisawkward:

The last episode is literally going to be part of my every day conversation for the rest of my life.

That needs to become a thing in fandom.

Every time someone freaks out over a spoiler the response should be “Calm down Psycho”

I’m basically going to say it to everyone about everything.  Also, look at my cute donut.  NomNomNom.

Ever since the poster incident, I stopped posting personal things on here.  I just didn’t want to open myself up to criticism or more backlash.  It’s been almost a year of just keeping my blog fandom only.  But honestly, there are times like tonight when I just want to write my feelings out.  Get support from people that I don’t have to hide things from.  I had a great weekend and a not too bad day today.  But here I sit at 11pm alone at home filled with sadness.  And it’s the same sadness that has filled my heart for two years now.  And I know how to fix it.  But it’s overwhelming.  And I keep failing.  And my dreams keep seeming father and farther away because of it.  The days slip by and I don’t work to make any progress.  It’s already almost the middle of March.  I know I just need to take it all one day at a time.  The days start good… and then as it goes on it’s easier to talk myself into failure.  When will the cycle stop?  Why is this so hard?

Celebrating the end of DOMA and Prop 8.

Lmao my poster would start getting reblogged again tonight. I don’t even care. I had such an amazing day celebrating with all my friends down at the Pride flag and at The Center. It was full of happiness and love. I know the fight isn’t over, but it felt good to have a two victories today.