This blog has not been personal for me for quite a while now… it’s basically turned into a shrine to psychopaths and cupcakes.  Perfect.

But there have been times, usually when I am really down, when I want to write… I need to journal and I want to share my thoughts.  Last night I was driving home from my Mom’s house… a 3 hour drive to San Diego… and I did a lot of thinking.  And I wish I had pulled over to write it down, or made a voice memo.  I felt such a sense of clarity about my life.  And it felt so good.  I felt so happy and grateful.  I know I won’t remember all of it now, it’s been almost 24 hours since that car ride.  But I am going to try.  Here I go. 

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maryannisawkward:

Which actually reminds me…countdown to 1D at the Rose Bowl: 161 days!! Yee!!! courtslosinit get excited!!

I’m so fucking excited.  I might punch someone in the face.

# 1D# life# me
grbggrl:

maryannisawkward:

The last episode is literally going to be part of my every day conversation for the rest of my life.

That needs to become a thing in fandom.Every time someone freaks out over a spoiler the response should be “Calm down Psycho”

I’m basically going to say it to everyone about everything.  Also, look at my cute donut.  NomNomNom.

grbggrl:

maryannisawkward:

The last episode is literally going to be part of my every day conversation for the rest of my life.

That needs to become a thing in fandom.

Every time someone freaks out over a spoiler the response should be “Calm down Psycho”

I’m basically going to say it to everyone about everything.  Also, look at my cute donut.  NomNomNom.

Ever since the poster incident, I stopped posting personal things on here.  I just didn’t want to open myself up to criticism or more backlash.  It’s been almost a year of just keeping my blog fandom only.  But honestly, there are times like tonight when I just want to write my feelings out.  Get support from people that I don’t have to hide things from.  I had a great weekend and a not too bad day today.  But here I sit at 11pm alone at home filled with sadness.  And it’s the same sadness that has filled my heart for two years now.  And I know how to fix it.  But it’s overwhelming.  And I keep failing.  And my dreams keep seeming father and farther away because of it.  The days slip by and I don’t work to make any progress.  It’s already almost the middle of March.  I know I just need to take it all one day at a time.  The days start good… and then as it goes on it’s easier to talk myself into failure.  When will the cycle stop?  Why is this so hard?

Tag! You’re it! 
Post 10 things about yourself and then tag 10 of your favorite followers!

— loverdolllinz
Ooooo thanks! (this is like weeks later lol I’m so lazy)
1.  I am TERRIFIED of clowns.  Have been ever since I was little.  Ronald McDonald is my #1 enemy.
2.  I still sleep with my baby blanket.  
3.  My husband and I have been together for almost 12 years.
4.  I am obsessed with villains, but I don’t like to be bad.
5.  One of my favorite things to do is Google how tall different celebrities are.
6.  My favorite place in the world is sitting in a boat on Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyland.
7.  I am in graduate school to become a Marriage and Family Therapist so I can work with transgender youth and their families.
8.  I can’t stop listening to Empire of the Sun (40 Days until Coachella!)
9.  I think Harry Styles is the cutest cupcake angel baby ever.
10.  I hate grape candy.

Meet the Blogger

Name: Courtney
Nickname: Court
Height: 5’6
Relationship status: Married
Birthday: February 7th
Favorite color: Black 
Favorite singer/band: Jason Mraz/HIM
Last song listened: Alive - Empire of the Sun
Last movie watched: Manhunter
Favorite book: Christine by Stephen King
Currently reading: The Transgender Child, rereading Mockingjay and my Law and Ethics book for school
Siblings?: 1 younger brother, Sean
Pets?: One Jack Russell Terrier Mix, Phyllis
Best school subject: English, Art, Recess 
Mac or PC?: Mac… we are a Mac family.
Cell phone type: iphone
Current shirt color: blue
Gamer?: not really
Day or night?: Night
Summer or winter?: ehhh…. Fall.
Most-visited website: Tumblr or FB
Celebrity crushes: Currently… Harry Styles, Jared Padalecki, Ville Valo

maryannisawkward:

Got my belated Christmas gift from Courtney and it is AMAZING!! She made her own stencils and painted this! I especially love the way Kurt turned out! :)

You.Are.Welcome!  I’m just glad I knew you would like it.  I’m pretty proud of it.

maryannisawkward:

Got my belated Christmas gift from Courtney and it is AMAZING!! She made her own stencils and painted this! I especially love the way Kurt turned out! :)

You.Are.Welcome! I’m just glad I knew you would like it. I’m pretty proud of it.

# me