This is a picture I took of myself last night in the car after the Rupaul’s Drag Race viewing party at Mo’s. Obsessed with my “Dexter” hair bow.
On this new journey, I have been struggling with my self confidence. The weight gain had really wrecked me. But I have been working really hard, both physically and mentally. Saying yes instead of no, fighting my fears. Put myself into my grad school work, getting myself back out into the community with PFLAG and doing They Said every week. I haven’t been hiding as much, and forcing myself to go out when I want to just stay home. This week I went to an interview for this job I really wanted. I was feeling confident, and they called me an hour after I left to hire me. I see the wonderful things coming back to me, as I put positivity out into the universe.
I took this picture on Friday night after I got home from celebrating my birthday with Benny and Rick. And I actually feel confident enough to post it. It’s a step. I’ll get there.
This is a picture of me when I was about 3 years old. My Mom just uploaded it to Facebook and I immediately made it my profile picture. Look at my face. I was silly, and carefree and HAPPY. That is what I want to be today. Tomorrow. For the rest of my life. I want to be a version my younger self, before I let stress and anxiety control my mind. Did this Courtney care if she was fat? No. Did this Courtney worry what people thought of her before she walked into a store? No. Was this Courtney afraid to dance? To sing? No.
This is who I want to be, again.
I was looking through my camera roll and I just saw this photo from a year ago… Emo much? Look at my face. I was so pretty. So thin. Where did that girl go? Come back to me.
Me with my face paint after working in the Children’s Garden…. That is my new pride volunteer location. I LOVED it. From now on just the parade and working with the families.
Hanging out on the bay earlier tonight… Geezus, who needs their roots done?
Me, tonight at FilmOUT! They showed Cry-Baby… Ahhhh I love that movie. One of the volunteers asked why I wasn’t a gay man. That’s the second time in 2 days sometime has asked me that.